Paralyzed by fear

I feel unable to do anything cause I am so afraid that anything I do might make me feel worse. I would like to take a normal shower, I am afraid though that i will feel dizzy, that I will have to dry my hair and the tinnitus will be worse. I would like to wash my face, I am afraid of my eye though. I would like to take off my headphones, I am afraid I will have tinnitus. I would like to start walkiing, the glasses I wear and headphones make me more dizzy I think then if I didn't have them. I've never been so incapable of overcoming my fear, but it's because the fears never were about my body and that I might hurt myself. It's horrible.

On the positive note, I didnt take tilidin today in the night. I had a headache though and I took ibuprofen, which helped I think better than tilidine.

I had the first appointment with physiotherapist today. She is very good, empathetic and competent. She did a lot of massages on my face, neck and head, also the scar area. It was a bit painful, sometimes nice, but it also felt better at the end than at the beginning, I had less pain. She seems to know well what she is doing. She did some exercises with me and told me to do them at home. She also put some kinesiotape on my face which feels nice, like I have a bit ot lifting. I'm m seeing her again on Friday

When I came home I decided to do the exercises and set up the place with a chair and a mirror in my room. I did all of them but was crying from helplessness with some. I wasn't even aware that one of the reasons why I don't want to do them is because I'm upset to look at myself. Seeing my face in the mirror and that it's not able to move is really hard. And so helpless, like, you cannot do a simple thing that you never thought twice of before 😞

I like these kinesio tapes also cause I look more normal just when I sit without doing anything. In the morning when I saw myself I was also so depressed, my eyebrow is drooping but the eye is open wide. It looks quite scary 😞

I'm now using a finger whenever I want to smile. It's an exercise too 😄